I am proud to work with BPM Lab, who offer a unique holistic health and fitness experience, coaching you to physical and mental strength. As their resident Life Coach, each week throughout August I will answer a member’s question and this week Adam asked:
Dear Coach Chris,
I seem to spend most of time worrying about what other people think, whether it’s complete strangers in the street, work colleagues or other acquaintances. How do I stop?
Hi Adam, thanks for your message and may I start by saying, you are not alone. These feelings of worry over the thoughts of other is something that is experienced by the highest majority of the population, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Today I’ll show you and our fellow BPM members exactly how to overcome these thoughts, for good!
Whose opinions really matter? Take a piece of card the size of a business card and write the names of people whose opinions truly matter to you. Take some time to really explore the peoples whose opinions genuinely matter and would change the way you think, the decisions you make. Who do you really respect? Once you’ve created your list take time to notice how short it is! Then pop the card in your wallet (or purse) and anytime you wonder what someone is thinking about you, stop yourself, refer to your list and if the person isn’t on it, there opinion doesn’t count!
Listen to the voice in your head. Whatever you’re thinking another person is thinking about you says more about what you think of yourself. Take notes of what your thoughts are and then follow a few easy steps to consider which of the things you’ve listed are actual and factual, and which are imagined.
When worrying about what others think write down everything you are worrying about and then put each thing in one of two categories:
- Those thoughts that are fact – things you know for certain
- Those thoughts that are imagined – things you don’t know for certain. Remember the thoughts of others are no business of yours!
Finally review list two and either choose to make the imagined a fact by completing some research or asking questions. If you can’t make the imagined a fact cross it off and forget about it!
Identify your Limiting Beliefs. Often the voices in our head, particularly those we hand to other people e.g. what someone else is thinking, are often limiting beliefs you hold about yourself. These thoughts often give you a free pass to not do something; a limiting belief is a belief we have about ourselves that holds us back from doing something, the sad thing is, these beliefs are often, if not always, untrue. Many of us feel trapped by the limiting beliefs we have of ourselves, believing:
- It’s not possible
- I can’t do it
- I don’t deserve it
If you want to know more about limiting beliefs and how to bust them check out a previous blog here http://www.chrisdudley.co.uk/2016/07/24/whats-holding-you-back/
So, in review, list the names of people whose opinions pattern if you’re worrying about the thoughts of people not on the list, forget it. Listen to what the voice in your head is telling you about what other people think about you, that’s often, if not always, what you think about yourself. Write these thoughts down and deal with them. Finally, listen out for limiting beliefs, what do you tell yourself that gives you a free pass to not do things you desire or deserve to do and deal!
The thoughts of others are no concern of yours.
Understand and appreciate that focusing on what you think about yourself will always be a more rewarding relationship.
Until next we speak… be more tomorrow than you are today.